Trying to hold myself true

Alice inspired this post with one of her comments, she told me she thought I was already making my dreams come true, which got me thinking "I really hope I am".

About 4 years ago I was told I probably -most likely- had breast cancer. 
It was not true but I started thinking about my life and what I was doing with it.

This drawing is from around that time, she's my "Enana amarilla" (yellow dwarf)

I had very good reasons and a very long list of sensible excuses to put aside what was really important to me. 
I found out that the things I had valued and wanted as a child were the very same things that still held value to me and I deeply regretted not having the time to complete them.

I had wanted to learn to sing and dance but to dance I had waited too long, probably to sing too.
I had unfinished songs and poems.
I felt like I was leaving nothing "done" behind me, something that was valuable to me.



I also understood that values are a very personal thing and that I had strayed from mine too many years ago in pursuit of lofty goals for a greater good that were not my own and had lost myself in the process, I could hardly remember what it felt like to be me before religion or adulthood.

I also realized that dying was something I would do alone and that no one else could do it for or with me when it happened so in a similar fashion living should also be done by myself, and in an even more selfish sense it had to be done the way I valued the most. 

So I tried to rescue what I could of whom I used to be when I felt myself to be more creative and bursting with things to say and make. I'm still trying to remember how to make something from that place inside me.

And often I still need to stop and re-set my priorities, because everything else seems so more important than to draw or craft, specially being a single mom.

The tell-tell doll

I was watching TV with my daughters the other night  when I began to see a pattern where people seemed to be placing blame in places outside of themselves for whatever was going on.
I think children tend to do that but then outgrow it.
However, because it seemed pretty caricaturization-able I started thinking of doodles

This is how I came up with:

"The tell-tell doll ".

Point fingers to your heart's contempt without having to use your own! 
(and have a laugh)

Plus this one you can leave permanently pointing at something, even after you've had to leave the room, until  you've made your point come across or even longer, just to gloat about it later on.
More over it wont be your fault since I made the drawings :)

Here's another one I finished drawing, now I need to think of a way to make them stand up straight or hang them up on a wall.

I was also in my 'add the punch-line' mood:
"I'm telling my mommy! - I'm telling on you! "